Tag Archives: Football

Hail the Mighty god of Pigskin

I wrote this for my old blog back on Superbowl Sunday. I saw some correlations between how ultra-sports-fanatics act, and how some primitive religions act, so I wrote this humorous post about it.

And no, I am not suggesting that all sports fans act this way, I was just trying to be funny. If you get offended over it, then you are likely one of those fanatics that inspired me to write this. 🙂

Today is the day that people all around the country bow down to their television, worshiping their beloved god, football.

Followers of this unfeeling god participate in many strange and unnatural rituals. Some people become crazed, berating and insulting followers of other lesser groups of gods, known as “Teams”. A few people go so totally insane that they strip themselves of almost all clothing, and paint their naked bodies in the color of these teams, screaming wildly at the televisions in some kind of unholy prayer, hoping that this will somehow impact the outcome. Sadly their gods do not hear their cries.

Large groups of worshipers called “Parties,” gather together in designating worshiping areas, usually in a more devoted follower’s home, where their gods encourage gluttony and alcoholism. Their followers greedily comply. With this, the gods demand sacrifice, but not from the worshipers, it is the innocent who suffer. Many poor chickens have given their wings as sacrifice to these merciless and unforgiving gods.

The revelry last hours until one group emerges victorious, and the worshipers stumble home in a bloated, drunken stupor to await the next showdown between the gods. In the days that follow, those who worship the losing group will be forced into hiding as the followers of the victorious group will ridicule them unrelentingly. The taunting will eventually cease as the season of football fades into memory, and the seasons of the lesser deities approach.


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